The Lows With My Partner Are Too Low. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Dear Christina,

I really need help in my relationship. Sometimes I feel like the lows with my partner are too low. Should I stay are should I go?

-Vanessa

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Dear Vanessa,

Thank you for writing in and asking such a vulnerable question. Unfortunately, since I don't know what's contributing to the "low, lows" you're referencing, I'm somewhat limited in the feedback that I can give you.

If the low lows involve abuse or violence of any kind, I encourage you to please call 911 and/or seek the immediate help and support of a local, licensed mental health provider and please follow their directions to leave when it's safe to do so.

Assuming the low lows you reference are not a threat to life and safety, please watch the coaching video I recorded for you (below). In the video I share a strategy for how to stay connected in low moments, if your partner wants connection too. I also share a tool I learned in college that helped me to remove the emotional aspects of whether to stay or go in a relationship and helped me to make the determination from a logical, non-emotional place. I hope this tool is helpful to you as well.

Should you want a more detailed response about your particular situation, please write back in and give me an example of what happens in the "lows" you're referencing — including how you feel and how your partner is feeling/what they're doing. I'd love to help you more. :)

With love, gratitude, grit, and grace,